Earring
by jenncgf
Summary: Written for a BSN one-hour thread prompt.  Now no longer a one-shot!  New prompt:  Hair.  Anders has a bad hair day.  Still largely T material, but bumped up to M for safety.
1. Earring

He was sitting at the bar, ale in hand, trying to avoid shifting too much in his seat. _These trousers are really uncomfortable. How do these people wear them all the time? And somehow I lost my left earring when I had to pull the shirt over my head. _ That was what had annoyed him the most. The fact that he'd actually _had_ a pair of earrings was pretty remarkable; it wasn't like he was rolling in cash after living in the tower.

He'd been hoping to make a go on a pirate ship, so he had gone ahead and gotten his ears pierced to wear the golden earrings that had been gifted to him. Even pirates needed healers, right? If he found passage on a pirate ship, there was no way the templars would ever be able to track him and drag him back to the tower. _Again_. Maybe 5 was the lucky escape attempt; only time would tell. Now the hole in his left ear was going to close and he'd have to go through it all over again, assuming he could find a suitable mate to the remaining earring. He doubted he'd ever have enough money to buy an entire pair.

_Maybe I should take the other one out and let both piercings close. _ He sighed to himself as he debated this, gently swilling the ale in the mug that had been set before him. But the earrings were a symbol for him – the woman who had given them to him was thanking him for saving her life, after all, and it was a sign. He was _sure_ it was; after all, every time he escaped he met someone and was able to help them, make a difference, and they were really glad for his help. Shouldn't that be a sign that he was _meant_ to be out of the Tower, where his magic could actually be useful for something other than teaching other mages? _No, I'll leave it in. Even if it looks stupid to be wearing only one earring_.

He then became aware of a feminine giggle behind him and off to his right. He raised an eyebrow and tried to listen without making it obvious that he heard.

"He's so _cute._" The voice was high-pitched but not grating. He could picture a young woman, blonde, with pert breasts straining against thin, coarse material. It was good to have an active imagination.

"But he's only wearing one earring. You know what _that_ means, don't you?" Another voice, equally young, but deeper. This one sounded sultry. He imagined she was a brunette with dark eyes and killer curves.

_Oh, ho! They're talking about me! Wait – what does only one earring mean?_ Anders listened more closely, hoping to get an answer. He didn't want to send off the wrong signals by his fashion choices.

"Maybe." Blondie sounded dubious. "But he's so … _manly_ looking. There's no way he likes men!" Anders' eyes opened wide even as he preened at the woman's description of him. _Uh, not the impression I want to give._ Now he had even more incentive to take out his earring. He tried to keep his sigh from being obvious.

"He could like men and still be manly! Or, maybe he's a pirate. Sometimes they wear only one earring." Sultry Brunette spoke a little louder. Anders thought that they really had no idea how loud they were. The barkeep checked his ale and winked at him. He rolled his eyes at the barkeep, who grinned at him before moving on to the next customer. He wondered who else was listening to this conversation and sighed to himself again.

There was another giggle. He was pretty sure it was Pert Blonde based on its pitch. "If he is, that's more of a challenge, right?" Anders' eyebrow raised yet again before a small smile broke out on his face. He liked the sound of that. A challenge meant that maybe there would be a contest. And a contest could possibly mean some … quality time … with a pair of attractive young ladies. He took a drink of his ale and decided to bide his time.

A low laugh followed the giggle. "That IS true. All right, a challenge it is." Sultry voice dipped to a new low. Anders could feel it all the way to … uh, never mind. Better not think about that if he was to play his part in the game. After all, he didn't want to spoil the ladies' fun.

"The usual rules?"

"Of course."

With that, the barkeep came up to Anders' spot again. He murmured quietly. "They'll probably cover your tab," he said. "You want anything else before they get here?" His eyes twinkled as Anders chuckled.

"That wouldn't be very … gentlemanly … now would it?" He grinned at the barkeep who shrugged as if to say _have it your way, friend_ and then moved away from Anders' seat so that Blondie and Brownie could approach. He heard footsteps approaching, but he made it a point to pretend he didn't hear them coming.

"Excuse me, ser, but we couldn't help but notice that you were all alone here. Shouldn't you be getting home to your wife?" He looked up to see Pert Blonde was actually a petite redhead with voluptuous curves. He looked to his other side to see that Brownie was the blonde, tall and willowy, not as curvy as her friend but absolutely stunning with green eyes. It took all his self control not to gape at the gorgeous pair of women surrounding him. They even _smelled_ fantastic. It was going to be hard for him to pretend he wasn't interested.

"I don't have a wife, ladies." He tried to stay serious, but he was sure his eyes gave him away. This was hopefully going to be a fun game, and he was looking forward to it. It didn't help that with his declaration both of them came imperceptibly closer, and their eyes took on mischief that mirrored his own.

"That's a shame. You must be … lonely." Sultry nearly purred as she fixed her gaze on his face. She leaned in a little closer and Anders didn't know what she did to make it look like she was about to devour him, but he was absolutely certain he liked it. He mentally cursed the fact that he had to wear trousers; his robes would have done a _much_ better job of hiding his reaction to her presence.

"Oh, the poor thing!" Redhead put a hand on his arm and mock sympathy colored her voice as she brushed her chest against his shoulder. _These two might just kill me._ Somehow, he thought, it might be a very nice way to meet the Maker.

He made an exaggerated sigh, making sure to brush his shoulder against the curvy redhead to his left. "Yes, it _is_ lonely sometimes," he said as he hung his head to hide the smirk that was forming on his lips. "What I wouldn't give to have some nice companions." The line was so badly delivered, even the bartender snorted from the other end of the bar.

At this, the women both laughed. "I'm Sara, and this is Anna," Sultry, uh, Sara, said to him. He looked up to see that the woman in question was wearing a knowing, and anticipatory, look. She leaned in. "I think we all know what is going on here," she purred again. The purr had the same effect as before and she definitely had noticed it, for her smile widened. "Anna and I have a bet going, you see. And we were hoping that you would help us determine the winner." Her entire face transformed into something humorously wicked.

Anders let out another exaggerated sigh. "Well, I _suppose_ I could help." He stood and pushed his stool out. He waved the barkeep over. "How much do I owe you, good ser?"

"Oh, put it on our tab," the voluptuous redhead (_Anna, it's Anna_) told the barkeep. The man on the other side of the counter shook his head and laughed as the two women each took one of Anders' arms and turned him around, heading for the stairs.

"We usually hold our contest in our room," Sara explained as she grinned.

"Who am I to break tradition?" Anders laughed as he let himself be led to their room. At that point, he decided he was _definitely_ keeping the single earring. After all, it gave him a place to sleep for the night … not that he intended to sleep. He grinned to himself. This was going to be fun.


	2. Customer Service

_So far, this is the Best. Escape. Ever. If they don't kill me. But oh, what a way to die!_

Anders was reclining at the head of the bed, exhausted. Sinful Sara and Accommodating Anna were crawling around the foot of the bed. They'd been occupied for hours at this point, and even with Anders' natural enthusiasm for the subject matter at hand, willingness to learn, and creatively surreptitious self-rejuvenations, he was running out of the will to make himself rise to the occasion. The ladies had done a fabulous job of encouraging him, but he was only human, after all. So, after several hours of romping about on the bed that now was missing all its blankets, Suggestive Sara and Arch-her-back-in-half Anna had decided to provide Anders with a bit of visual entertainment.

The process was simple, really. Sara would flip her gorgeous long blond hair over those smooth shoulders (Oooh, Smooth Skin Sara also sounded good in his head!) and blink those enormous green eyes at her friend, only to suggest something that certainly sounded impossible but that still made Anders' mouth water. Anna, oh Avaricious Anna, (in the best way possible!) would ensure that the suggestion became a reality. Within moments, Anders would see a tangle of blonde and red hair and soft limbs and …. Huh, maybe he _wasn't_ done for the night yet.

Right now, Salacious Sara was sitting on the bed, her legs splayed out in front of her. She grinned at Anders before turning to her friend and crooking a finger in the good old 'come hither' gesture. Ambitious Anna, the lovely little creature, started crawling on all fours toward her friend, not stopping until she was rather comfortably settled in her friend's lap and straddling her legs. Now _that_ was a sight Anders would carry with him for the rest of his days. Their position made the two women sit face to face, removing their normal height differences, and allowed them to press themselves ... oh my. Anders was now sitting at attention in all sorts of ways as the women devoured each other and, well …

Yes, Anders was definitely not quite finished for the evening.

Sara removed her lips from her friend's face and turned to Anders. She grinned at him as she looked him over. "Aww, poor man," she said, the tone playfully mocking. "We've gone and distracted him again. Look, Anna – we can't leave him in that state. We'll have to do something to make our guest more comfortable."

As two pairs of eyes turned onto Anders, both with equal expressions of false concern poorly masking a pure, wicked, utter evil that Anders was absolutely glad to be part of, he grinned. "Oh, woe is me! However shall I manage?" He pretended to swoon as the ladies disentangled from each other and crawled, catlike, up the bed to where he was sitting.

-0-0-0-

When Anders awoke later, he groggily lifted his mussed head to find he was lying facedown in the unmade bed. The girls, bless their little hearts and legs and hair and eyes, were sitting on the sofa on the room talking quietly to each other, giggling every so often and completely ignoring his presence. He propped his head up on on hand and turned onto his side to examine the damage the ladies had done to him last night. _Hmm, nothing permanent, but I don't see any new liaisons happening in the near future for you, little guy._ Satisfied that he would survive somehow after the previous evening's activities, Anders cleared his throat and smiled as the women turned in his direction.

"Hello, sleepyhead." Sara's voice was still sultry and her smile still salacious. "You know, we should do this again sometime."

Anders flopped onto his back. "Best way to wake up, ever." He grinned as the women laughed at him.

"What's your name? Maybe we can arrange to meet up again soon." Anders turned his head to the side to see Anna smiling at him.

He propped up on his elbows. "Huh. I'm sorry. I don't know how I forgot to tell you. Oh, yes, now I do." He grinned at them again as Anna giggled. "My name is Anders, you minxes, and anytime you have need of my services, you only need but ask."

"Anders?" Sara's eyes went wide. "That is an _excellent_ name for someone as wild as yourself." She stood from the sofa and crossed the room to sit on the edge of the bed. She reached out and used her fingers to comb the stray hairs off Anders' forehead. He closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation. "Do you think you might be interested in trying something a bit … different?" Her voice had gone to a low purr.

Anders cracked an eye open and looked up into her emerald-green eyes. "Well, if last night was any indication, it should be fun! What did you have in mind?"

"Well, my sister, Tabby ..." She smiled at him again, meaningfully, and her hand wandered to his chest. Anders groaned at the sensation of her nails scratching lightly on his skin.

_You only live once. And the girls were very good to me last night._ Anders opened his eyes fully. "Well, if you think your sister would be all right with meeting me, I suppose I could play along." At this, Sara's hand left its exploration and she clapped her hands excitedly. _And any sister with a cat name is just fine with me! Rrawr!_

"That's terrific! I'm going to go get her right now! You get ready and we'll be right back!" At this, Sara and Anna got up and excitedly left the room, chattering away. As the door closed, Anders' head fell back and the groan he'd been holding in spilled from his mouth. _Right now? I don't know if I have anything left to give. Where do they get their energy?_

Anders dragged himself from the bed and staggered over to the washbasin. Thankfully the water was clean and there was a fresh cloth on the side of the basin, so he cleaned up as best he could. He assumed that Tabby (_What a name!)_ would not want to walk in the room to a fully naked man, so he quick tossed the tunic and breeches from the previous night back on. As he pulled the tunic over his head, the door opened again. He turned his head to see Sara leading the way. She was talking quickly and smiling.

"Yes, his name is Anders! And he's just what we thought he would be!"

"Oh, really?" A new voice, one that was entirely _too_ familiar to his ears, followed Sara into the room. The voice was attached to a tall form wearing heavy plate with the Silver Sword of Mercy emblazoned on the front.

"...Ser Tabitha?" Anders turned to Sara, who was still grinning with an evil twinkle in her eye. "Ser Tabitha is your sister?" Now he was _really_ glad he'd gotten dressed. He didn't for one moment think that the templar would be unaware of what had transpired in the room, but he certainly didn't want to be smited while stark naked. He sighed heavily. "Did you plan this?"

Sara laughed. "I'm afraid so, my dear Anders. But look at it this way – at least you can say you accomplished something outside the Tower on this escape!" She walked over to him and kissed him full on the mouth. "Anna and I had a lovely evening. We hope you did too."

Anders sighed as Sara stepped away and he held out his hands for Ser Tabitha to attach the manacles. Still, all things considered, it _was_ rather nice for Ser Tabitha to allow him to enjoy himself before being captured. For an entire night, no less! Out of all the escape attempts thus far, he had to say that this was the very best one. Ser Tabitha was now his favorite templar of all time. He made a note to try to escape again when she was on retrieval duty. After all, it wasn't every day that he could award a templar 10 out of 10 points for doing her duty.

And he was absolutely, positively keeping the earring, no matter what.


	3. Hair

Eamon paced back and forth. Fergus and Elissa both had concerned looks on their faces, and Nathaniel and Teagan were frowning. Alistair, for his part, was nonplussed. "We don't need to do this, you know," he said. "Besides, do you have any idea how difficult this is going to be for everyone involved? Everybody knows what I look like!"

"I don't see much choice in this, Alistair." Elissa leaned forward and looked at Alistair earnestly. "Teagan's idea is a good one, and until Zev can identify the spies who have infiltrated the city, it's best to have someone stand in for you as a body double, at least for public appearances where you don't have to speak."

"I don't like it." Alistair frowned. "We'd be putting someone else in danger for my sake, and I'm not _helpless._ What's to say that if you _did_ find someone who looked like me that he wouldn't be totally incapable of protecting himself?"

"We'll do the best we can with that, Alistair. But I agree with them. The safest thing you can do, until we figure out who is causing trouble, is to keep you safe whenever there's a possibility of assassins getting close enough to you to do any damage." Eamon stopped pacing and shook his head at Alistair before turning to Elissa and Nathaniel. "Do you think you can find someone who looks like Alistair quickly?"

"If we can't, Zev can," Elissa replied. She stood and Nathaniel joined her. "We'll start looking right away." She smiled at Alistair and walked out the door.

-0-0-0-

"This isn't going to be easy," Nathaniel warned Elissa as they walked the hall. "Everybody knows what Alistair looks like."

"I know, but we have to try." Elissa frowned as she thought about the possibilities. She was thinking so hard that she didn't notice Nathaniel had stopped until he grabbed her arm.

"Perfect. It's _perfect_," Nathaniel breathed. Elissa looked at his face to see him staring at the far wall. She followed the path of his gaze and her eyes widened.

They were almost at a T-shaped intersection in the castle halls. The hallway facing them was lined with portraits of the royal line. From their point, they saw paintings of King Maric, King Cailan, and a newly completed portrait of Alistair. The resemblance between the three men was remarkable, particularly with all three portraits showing the men in three-quarter profile. The nose, the coloring, the smirk that showed on each man's face was identical to the rest.

Below the portraits, Anders was leaning against the wall while he waited for the other Wardens to return. He had his arms crossed and one of his feet up and planted on the wall. He had his head slightly turned to talk to a servant and he was smirking. As it happened, his face was in three-quarter profile from where Nathaniel and Elissa were standing. In that position, with that look on his face, Anders was a dead ringer for any one of the men featured in the portraits.

"Maker's breath! I knew they looked similar, but this is incredible!" Elissa didn't feel so bad that once or twice she had accidentally mistaken Anders for her former lover and longtime friend. "With just a couple of changes, they would look identical!"

-0-0-0-

"So, I get to pretend that I'm the king?" Anders grinned at the thought. "Does that mean I get to attend to the queen's needs?" He raised an eyebrow as Elissa sighed and Nathaniel scowled.

"Focus on the task at hand, Anders." Nathaniel had reached annoyance stage with Anders' joking. Anders supposed that this was fair, given that Anders hadn't stopped with the wisecracks once Elissa and Nathaniel had come to him to propose the idea.

"All right, all right." Anders sighed. "You're no fun at _all_, you know." He looked at Nathaniel and raised an eyebrow as he considered the possibilities. Everything he thought about, he liked. "So, what do I have to do? Do I get to go to parties? Dance with the ladies? Can I make new laws, like, oh … freeing the mages from Chantry control?" He didn't think it would work, but it never hurt to slip in something really _awesome_ that he could try to get away with while he was pretending to be king.

"Let's not start any exalted marches, please?" Nathaniel pinched the bridge of his nose. "No."

"Really no fun," Anders muttered to himself. He raised his voice. "All right, what will you make me do _really?_"

"You'll have to dress in Alistair's clothing, of course," Elissa said. "And you'll have to remove the earring while you're posing as Alistair. And," here she paused, looking uncertainly at Nathaniel, who shrugged, "you're going to have to cut your hair." She looked apologetic when she said it.

"Well, dressing in nice clothes isn't bad, and I've had the earring for a while, so the hole won't close up, and … WHAT?" Anders stood up and waved his hands in front of him. "You want me to _what?_ No. NO. I am _not _going to wear my hair like His Royal Floofyheadedness." He put his hand protectively over his ponytail. "Not going to happen. Put me in a helmet."

"With a vest and breeches?" Nathaniel looked at him like he was stupid. "Anders, we have got to do this _right_ if it's going to work. We can't wait for Alistair's hair to grow out, so we're going to have to cut yours short."

Suddenly, getting to pretend to be king wasn't so much fun. "But, Nathaniel … a fancy hat?" He knew he was getting a touch whiny, but he had finally, _finally_ gotten his hair to the length he wanted, and Alistair hardly had any hair! It was going to take _forever_ to grow back! He sighed at the look in Nathaniel's eyes. "Fine, fine. But you two owe me. You owe me in a major way."

Elissa sat down beside him and put an arm around his waist. "I understand, Anders. I'll tell you what – when this is all done I'll buy you that staff you've been wanting, and the robes too. From my personal funds."

Anders looked down at Elissa in surprise. He hadn't said anything to anyone about those – he had been diligently saving up for them out of his earnings as much as possible, ever since he saw them in the Wonders of Thedas. Even after months, he was only halfway there – they were really, really expensive. "How did you know?" he asked.

"I saw the way you looked at them when we went shopping last week," she said. "I promise, you do this for us, and you'll have them."

Anders grumbled. "All right." His shoulders slumped. "I just know I'm going to regret this."

-0-0-0-

It was done, and Anders surveyed the results in a mirror. His hair was cropped super close to his head, except for that stupid bit in the front that looked like someone had smacked him in the face with the flat of their hand and made the bangs stick up. "I look like I hit a wall head-on," he complained. He grinned when he heard Nathaniel cover an amused snort. Elissa, for her part, just sighed.

"It looks _fine_, Anders. Do you think you can stop making fun of the king for five minutes? I want to get him so he can see." She looked Anders over critically, surveying his hair, his clean-shaven cheeks with the chin stubble still present, the brocade vest and fancy breeches, and nodded. "It's amazing. I swear you're at least one of Alistair's cousins." Anders raised an eyebrow, not sure what to answer to that, and Elissa made her way to the door. "I'll be right back," she promised. "Don't go anywhere."

Anders looked at himself again in the mirror. "It could be worse, I guess, although I'm still annoyed about the hair." He sighed for what seemed like the thousandth time. "This is really odd. I don't think I look all that much like Alistair. I'm _much_ more handsome."

Nathaniel snorted. "You look _exactly_ like him right now. Except you're not as well-muscled." He ignored Anders' snort. "You don't spend five hours a day bashing everything in sight with a shield. I don't know how we're going to get around that bit, but otherwise nobody will ever guess."

Anders shrugged. "I suppose, but still … Well, at least I can defend myself easily if someone tries to attack the king." He thought of the staff and robes that had been delivered to his room that morning and wished he could stay in his room to check out his new goodies. "I'll be glad when this is done."

Nathaniel nodded just as the door swung open. King Alistair and Queen Alfstanna entered the room together. Anders turned around to see Alfstanna stop in her tracks and cover her mouth with one hand. Her eyes were wide with shock. Alistair, for his part, stared at Anders for a good long minute before he reacted.

"Elissa, it's not bad, but what's with the hair? He's got floofy hair! It looks stupid!"


End file.
